I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever
by XxEviexX
Summary: Post-TTP. Artemis, thinking of what he did, starts to feel the guilt he's buried deep from all the wrongs he's done to Holly. Holly comes at precisely the wrong moment, and gets more than she bargained for. Serious conversation ensures. Some AH.


Yay for unseasonable stories!

... ... ...

It was December twenty-forth in Ireland. Inside of a huge manor near Dublin, fires danced merrily in their grates, warming up the rooms. In the large living room, heaps of presents wrapped in multicolored paper sat under a fair-sized evergreen tree decorated with tinsel, strings of popcorn, dozens of small, twinkling lights, Christmas baubles, and a prominent golden star at the very tip. The hallways were decorated with more of the same tinsel, boughs of holly, and occasionally a bit of mistletoe hung from one of the doorways. But all of this decoration would have meant very little without the atmosphere that settled cozily in the rooms – a very distinct feeling of care and warmth.

Outside, in the vast grounds of the estate, the scene was breathtaking. Instead of the usual lights that seemed suspended in midair, almost every tree – be it oak, chestnut, willow, or ash – was illuminated with hundreds of the small, twinkling lights which decorated the Christmas tree indoors. The usual lush green landscape was covered delicately with the thinnest blanket of pure white; Dublin had received the rare gift of snow this year.

In a secluded corner of the grounds, under one of the willows, you could see the figure of a fair adolescent sitting on a bench, faintly illuminated by the full moon above and the faint light that emanated from the small lights adorning the tree. A gentle breeze arose, causing the graceful branches of the willow to dance and blowing a few strands of the boy's dark hair into his mismatched eyes. He brushed them away absentmindedly with long, pale fingers, not wanting his hair to get in the way of his sight.

The boy, Artemis, was mentally several places at once. He was in his family's home, thinking fondly about the people in it: Myles and Beckett, both asleep on the couch near the Christmas tree, waiting for Santa Claus; his father, who had also fallen asleep near the boys; his mother, making last minute touches to the house; and Butler, who was supposed to be resting, but who was, instead, making sure of everyone's safety while missing his baby sister terribly for the holidays.

Artemis was also outside of the house, knowing that no matter how much he wanted to, he would never belong to this 'normal' family as completely as his younger twin siblings. He was too intensely different to truly, perfectly belong, too involved with the so-called 'supernatural' to be even remotely normal.

His eyes ran over the grounds, and Artemis sighed. That last bit brought him to where his mind was the most nowadays. He had been thinking about his subterranean friends – one in particular – a lot over the last few weeks and especially that day, knowing its significance. It had been on this day several years ago that he had had his first willing encounter with the People. It was because of them that he had every member of his family alive and well. Again, one person in particular came to mind.

Artemis watched his misty breath spout from his mouth as he thought of Holly Short. It had been exactly six years since he first abducted her from under that ancient oak tree by the river bend. He'd always believed that to be the first time he'd given her reason to loathe him. However, shortly after saying goodbye to her after their time escapade, he fully realized that he had been dead wrong.

Artemis closed his eyes and shook his head. _How_ could he _ever_ have been as cruel as to sentence Holly to death by some of the most disgusting humans on the planet? And afterwards, abduct her himself for money? That made him just as revolting.

Artemis was washed over by multiple waves of shame – each belonging to separate blows against his favorite fairy. He recalled every lie he'd ever told her, his most recent and terrible burning the most.

He knew that the reason for his lie was to save his mother (or so he'd thought), but that fact didn't make his deceit any less cruel or painful. He had tried burying his feelings, as he had done so many times, but it had proved impossible. In fact, his recent blow against Holly had unearthed all of the guilt of previous blows he had managed to bury. It had proved impossible to forgive himself and forget about it, especially now, when he finally knew how strongly he actually felt about the person he had succeeded in hurting many times.

Because these thoughts were too painful, Artemis tried to draw himself away to lighter topics. He revisited a memory he hadn't thought of in a while: the memory of meeting Minerva again after coming back from Limbo. The pubescent portion of his mind remembered everything – how she'd blushed when he had told her how happy he was to see her, how her manicured hands had a habit of pushing up her designer glasses even when they weren't slipping, how her yellow hair smelled distinctly flowery when she'd hugged him goodbye... He remembered often visiting this memory in his mind before, but now it felt different . . . distant, since he hadn't thought of it in a while, but also wrong, as if it didn't belong to him in the first place. He wondered shortly what could be the cause of this, and realized what made all the difference. He hadn't thought of this since his last adventure with his elfin female friend.

Clearly unsuccessful at clearing his mind of Holly altogether tonight, Artemis allowed himself to revisit another memory – one he usually kept under lock and key. He let his mind wander to the feeling of knowing you are dead, only to realize that you've been healed with magic and are very much alive…

_He coughed and shuddered, flexing fingers and toes._

_"Holly," he said when his vision had cleared. His smile was sincere and grateful. "You saved me again."_

_Holly was laughing and crying at the same time, tears spilling onto Artemis' chest._

_"Of course I saved you," she said. "I couldn't do without you."_

Artemis closed his eyes and saw again how Holly bent down on a whim and kissed him. He could feel her lips on his and see the tiny magical fireworks as they sparked around Holly and himself, slowing down the moment to draw it out and smiling as he did so.

Inevitably, the sweet memory ended. In it's place rushed a string of corresponding – and not so sweet – memories: his terrible guilt at Holly's insecure, hopeful face as she asked if it wouldn't be too bad if she stayed a teenager; her cold, blank face as Artemis admitted to his dreadful lie; her flat eyes and neutral tone of voice; the well-deserved insults she aimed his way; the hostility in her body language; her voice, telling him that his elf-kissing days were over…

Artemis tried desperately to shake away these thoughts, but more came rolling in: the realization that he'd lost Holly to those vile Extinctionists thanks to himself; the sight of Holly in a cage like a wild animal; her eyes as he tried to convey to her that everything would be alright; Holly smiling down at him as she healed him once again; "_We're from different worlds, Artemis. We will always have doubts about each other,_"; "_I was turned into an adolescent… now _that_ was gross,_"; her voice as she kissed him on the cheek: "_In another time…_"

Artemis was so lost in these memories that he didn't notice the light crunch of footsteps coming towards him from the side. When he finally saw the small figure approaching from his peripheral vision, he jumped a foot in the air.

He heard a very familiar chuckle, and calmed down. It was only Holly.

_Holly? _he thought with a bit of panic. He didn't show it, of course.

"Hello, Holly," Artemis acknowledged with as much dignity as he could muster.

"Hey," she greeted, still laughing at him.

When she controlled herself, Holly nudged Artemis out of the way to make space for herself on the bench, and he scooted over with a martyred expression.

"It wasn't that funny," he said with a touch of sulkiness.

"Of course it was," Holly replied brightly, punching him on the shoulder.

Artemis rubbed his shoulder, radiating the impression of annoyance while actually worrying over whether Holly was pretending to be so carefree around him.

"What are you doing here?" Artemis asked, allowing only courteous curiosity into his voice.

The elf gestured towards the full moon. "I've been completing the Ritual," she replied.

Artemis nodded slightly, still gazing at the moon. What a coincidence.

"Tara?" he asked, though he knew through instinct what the answer was.

"No, not Tara," she said meaningfully, knowing he would understand.

Artemis nodded again and looked away from the moon, only to see it again, reflected in eyes that mirrored his own.

"But why are you _here_?" he wondered again, studying her face.

Holly shrugged. "Well," she began, "I haven't seen you in some time, you know, so I took advantage of being in Ireland to stop by for a quick visit," Holly explained with apparent nonchalance.

He forced a smile. "Your first true visit. How nice." He didn't mention what the particular date was.

"I guess you're right," she muttered simply, and left it at that.

There were several beats of silence. Then: "So… have you been dong anything interesting lately?" Holly asked, making herself keep up casual conversation. The difference between this question and their previous instinctive, light banter was almost palpable.

Artemis snorted at the question. "I've been brainwashing cloned lemurs into helping me take over the United States' government," he replied sarcastically. "Holly, I've been at _school_."

Holly was indignant. "Well, _sorry_ for trying to keep up the conversation, then."

Artemis rolled his eyes. "You might as well have asked about the weather, Holly."

"It is rather cold, isn't it?" she asked, grasping at straws. She shivered as if to prove her point. "There's a reason fairies don't like –" she cut off when she saw Artemis' incredulous look.

"Well, what am I supposed to talk about with a Mud Boy like yourself? It's not like we're _saving the world_ or anything," she huffed.

"You never had trouble speaking with me before," muttered Artemis. "Squabbling is closer to the mark, but at least it was never '_Have you been doing anything interesting lately…_' Honestly," he said haughtily, shaking his head. Truth be told, he was rather glad they were now bickering instead of feigning polite conversation. It flowed more naturally, for one, and it allowed him to think of other things besides his guilt and that wretched kiss… and there he went again.

Holly was thoroughly miffed now. "Well, knowing you, you _could_ have been planning some insane scheme and working out the best way to manipulate me into helping you," she grumbled.

Artemis's sharp intake of breath alerted Holly to what she had just said, and she immediately felt livid at herself. Hadn't she _promised_ herself she wouldn't even _think_ of that and the…? And _there_ she went again.

"Eh, yeah," Holly said awkwardly. "Sorry about –"

Artemis cut her off. "_You're_ sorry? You think _you're_ sorry?" he asked quietly.

There were a few beats of uncomfortable silence, and suddenly Artemis felt like he had to keep saying this. "No, Holly. _I'm_ sorry. I'm sorry for absolutely everything," he said solemnly.

"I know." Holly cursed herself for steering the conversation from harmless bickering to this. Just like the other times in which she had thought of what Artemis had done, a rush of conflicting emotions came to surface. Half of her deeply wanted to forgive him – after all, she would have done the same if it had been _her_ mother. The other half, however, still felt echoes of the initial betrayal, pangs of hurt, and felt that she could never forgive him. She had decided to reserve this particular conversation until she made up her mind, and she certainly wasn't ready yet. The most she could do was put up a blank face and look away from Artemis, trying to convey her need of ending this conversation. "I know you are," she repeated. "But is it enough?" she wondered so quietly that Artemis didn't doubt she was talking to herself.

Despite that, he couldn't help himself – he had to answer her question. "No, it isn't. There is no excuse for what I did, and all I can say is that I'm sorry – extraordinarily so," he said in the same quiet tone he had used before.

She turned her head slowly and fixed her dissimilar eyes on him. He could see that she wished to be able to read his mind.

"Your mother?" she asked.

Artemis grimaced. "I knew that lying would be the only way to _guarantee _your assistance. I was desperate – willing to do anything to restore her to health, even though, as we learned, that's what caused her 'disease' in the first place. But no matter _what_ my intentions were, Holly, it was still the worst thing I've ever done. And that's saying something," he said seriously.

"It's really been eating at me," Artemis confessed. "And not just that." He looked fixedly at her. "Earlier, when I said I was sorry for everything, I really meant – mean – everything. Do you know what the date is?" he demanded.

Holly nodded. "Of course I do," she replied guardedly. She looked away again, only to have Artemis' hand turn her face to his again.

"Holly, it was this day six years ago when that heartless, ruthless twelve-year-old boy kidnapped you and held you for _gold_," he spat out the word angrily. "I was that boy. _Me_. _I_ held you captive. And here I was thinking that was the first time I'd done you wrong. Well, what about when I sold you to the Extinctionists at age ten? For diamonds, this time, naturally.

"I've done you countless wrongs, and realize you have every right to thoroughly dislike me. However," he looked fixedly at her, "I just can't _have_ that."

"Artemis, I though we had covered all of this?" Holly snapped, defiantly looking away again. She was irritated that he didn't just let the subject drop. Couldn't he see that she wasn't ready? "I told you, we're square. The past is the _past_, and we should leave it where it belongs. I don't want to think about – "

"No, Holly," Artemis interrupted her firmly. "And _look_ at me, please. I can't just leave the past in the past. I can't help but think about it, and don't tell me it isn't the same with you – I know you too well. Forgetting is not forgiving, and Holly, I need to know. Will you forgive me, or will you not? I know – oh _God_, I know – that I completely deserve the latter, and…" he trailed off before he could ramble any longer. "Please, just tell me."

Holly's previous irritation deflated as she saw Artemis' appalled face at the unintentional vulnerability that had sneaked into his voice. She sighed. "Artemis, I don't know. It's confusing. On one hand, you know it really hurt to know you _lied_ to me when I trusted you so explicitly. But I know you were just trying to be a good son with no nasty intent towards me… Rationally, I suppose you're already forgiven, but it's so hard for my subconscious to go back to how we were… before. Before you lied, before I ki – " she cut off abruptly. "Well, you know what I mean."

Artemis' pulse raced as she brought up the kiss.

"How can I be sure you won't lie to me again? When someone else needs saving, and you feel the need to blackmail me?"

Artemis took a deep breath. "Holly, you can trust me not to do that if you can trust yourself not to get in my way of trying to save whomever I need to," he told her. "Not that I don't trust you, of course. That was my biggest error back there – I was too desperate to recall that it's because of you that I have everyone in my family alive and in good health. I didn't trust you enough, and I should have."

"What if I'm under orders to stop you?" Holly challenged.

Artemis grimaced. "I've learned my lesson concerning this, Holly. I'm sure I wouldn't even be _capable_ of doing it again," he said sincerely. "Knowing the consequences, I mean. I _am_ exceptionally smart, you know," he added lightly, winking.

"And I've never been one for orders, anyway, I suppose," Holly muttered, rolling her eyes at Artemis. "And then there's the fact that I would probably help you anyway."

Artemis snickered. "That's true."

She grinned briefly, and then sighed again. "Arty?"

_Arty._ His inexperienced heart flew at the sound of his pet name. "Yes?"

"No matter what this current situation is, all of those things you mentioned before – especially the kidnapping – you really don't have to batter yourself up about them. Really, those things are long forgiven." She smiled up at him, and Artemis felt his heart flutter around a bit more.

He made sure to control himself before answering. "That's… great," he said eloquently.

Holly chuckled a bit, and then became pensive again. "Artemis, I need to know. But tell me, sincerely, please – can I trust you?"

To her surprise, he smirked. "Well, Holly, I guess that settles it," he said in what he tried to pass as his normal, self-satisfied way. But Holly could sense the joy behind the façade.

"What settles it?" she asked suspiciously.

"See, you asked me to tell you sincerely if you could trust me. So you must _trust_ me to tell you the sincere truth," he stated. Suddenly his tone was warm. "And the answer to that, Holly, is yes. If I haven't learned my lesson after this, I'm a moronic fool who doesn't deserve to claim the highest tested IQ in Europe."

"Always so modest," Holly commented dryly.

"That's me."

Holly thought over his logic, testing out his theory. She found, to her intense surprise, that Artemis was right. Putting the incident aside, she _did_ feel as if she could trust the Mud Boy sitting beside her with her life.

_But was it ever _really_ about my life?_ she asked herself. If she had asked herself this the day before, she would have said yes immediately. But now that she thought about it… Holly supposed the lie would have hurt very much anyway, but she now wondered if it would have wounded her feelings as deeply if she _hadn't_ been a vulnerable teenager, if she _hadn't_ kissed him, and if she _hadn't_ practically confessed that she cared about him much more than she should…

_No, probably not_, she answered herself honestly. _Damn._

Suddenly, a beeping noise emanated from Holly's wrist, interrupting her musing. "D'Arvit," she swore. "Trouble's going to kill me if I'm not back soon." She turned to say goodbye to Artemis, and saw that he was looking at her with a peculiar expression on his face.

"What is it?" she asked.

He had been trying to work up the nerve to broach the subject of the kiss and how he felt with her, but couldn't bring himself to it. "Nothing, Holly," he said resignedly. _In another time… _he quoted to himself.

Holly had a sneaking suspicion of what he had been thinking, but decided to let it go.

She looked into his eyes, determined to keep her face free of too much emotion. "I'll see you soon," she promised. Hesitantly, she stretched to softly kiss him on the cheek. Immediately afterwards, she activated her wings and flew away from the faintly illuminated willow tree, leaving behind the fair adolescent with a hand over the spot where she had kissed him.

... ... ...

Well, folks, originally this was a huge fic full of feelings and a fluffy ending. But looking over it, I realized that both Artemis and Holly were too out of character for my taste and the ending had very little verisimilitude. While it wasn't as OOC as a lot of post-TTP one-shots, it was enough so that it would be hypocritical to post. So, I didn't start from scratch exactly, but I did make extensive changes. I'm not _completely_ happy with the outcome, but, meh. Review, please?

Much love to Nikki (Firexatxwill) for the lovely beta. She owns my literary soul (and probably my real one, too…)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the non-existent plot and my sou—oh wait, Nikki owns that. Damn. Title from… well, I'd ask you to guess, but I have no doubt in my mind who would get the correct answer. The title's stolen from MCR's song Demolition Lovers. Amazing song, amazing band. :D


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